Quote by amerikiwi2
The Swinging Lifestyle is as diverse as there are species on this earth. Attitudes, cultures and expectations vary from one end of the spectrum to the other. While recognising this fact and accepting it, and after years of experience in this lifestyle we are going to opine from our particular point of view. Having discussed this often with others in the Lifestyle it is an opinion which is widely espoused. And that is aggression – in particular, male aggression and pressure to have sex
The latter is no one’s right, it is a privilege not to be abused.
We have experienced situations where the male sex partner seems only interested in one thing to the shut-out of all else, and that is his own cravings, satisfaction and performance.
Many will assert that aggressive males can be appealing in fact, some women we have spoken to have told us that they like male aggressiveness, however, the majority go on to point out that only when they (the partners) are wanting it. Love-making or sex moments are ideally meant to give and receive sexual pleasure but if either of the partners is unduly aggressive in their sexual acts, the entire experience ends up causing discomfort and marring sexual bliss.
Research has established that generally speaking, women must choose between two types of men: dads and cads (Psychology Today). On the one hand, dads are typically more respectful, warm, caring, and aware of their partner’s needs and feelings. Yet they usually appear as less charismatic and dominant than their caddish counterparts. On the other hand, cads can generally speaking be – or appear to be sexier, with their narrow eyes and strong jaws but they also tend to be flashy, shallow and exploitative of others. Even worse, these masculine men often embody the Dark Triad, a personality constellation that encompasses Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and narcissism. This in turn leads them to resort to painfully satisfying their sexual cravings. Sadly many men do not even recognise that they have this problem.
Some gender theorists go as far to argue that ostentatious displays of aggression are not because men feel powerful, but precisely the opposite – because they lack societal recognition or power. This generally has a parallel with antisocial behaviour.
All relationships require some measure of reciprocity. Sex partners should enrich each other’s experience not merely perform, otherwise ‘objectified’ becomes the result and the woman feels used - not necessarily abused, but used and it is as if she was there merely to be the chattel for being fucked. If this is the case and since brothels are legalised in this country, they are an option for the aggressive male. Don’t bring it on my wife/partner.
Treating your sex partner with respect, reverence, kindness and caring – that’s where the magic of pleasure begins. And this is precisely where we as a couple in the lifestyle fit in!
We just love the friendship aspects of this style of life, talking openly and being ‘sassy’; meeting for a meal or drinks with our friends when the meeting is not just a means to an end but rather is the ‘end’; just sitting around talking with no sex involved; the soft-sex times; interesting and intelligent conversation and storytelling; pash-ups in the kitchen; a good old ‘scrag’ on the living room floor; our hot-tub sessions; sex under the stars; romance and foreplay; naturally bedroom play; the occasional pink bum; puppy piles when no one knows whose hand is on whom or on what; not really into one nighters except when we are travelling; and generally as we say, ‘to enjoy our sexuality and to share it in as many ways as may fit for us.’
So what do we ideally look for in this way of a modern open and accepting life?
Ideally, we look for like minded intelligent couples that love and respect their partner and are ready to enjoy new friendships and relationships in and out of the bedroom.
We are a fun loving, mature, professional couple with an incredible group of friends all over the world – aged from 28 to late 70’s and across the full culture, social and economic spectrum of life – after all, it’s the individual that counts ... ... the people we have great synergy with tend to be friendly and social; open minded rather than hard-core; laughing rather than full-on intensity; intelligent and interesting; no pressure or drama; are not aggressive and have absolute respect for the individual. And we are quite happy to lead those feeling their way. We are not a pressure, must fuck couple!
Aggression is not on our list! In fact, a partner that turns out to be aggressive is afterwards picked up by the collar and flicked like a weasel into the disregard-until-change bucket!
We enjoy hosting compatible travellers from out-of-town with no pressure, no expectations and definitely with no strings attached!
We know from our experience this scene is amazing for the deep friendships one can form with friends from near and far - and the benefits are definitely a plus!
Comments ... ... What is/are your experience/s? :swingingchair:
I have just finished reading your message. I found it very interesting and thought provoking. I find it interesting how swingers are viewed by Society and how we have been pre-programmed by Evolution. As you stated in your message, The Swinging lifestyle is very diverse. Before I write my comments I need to tell you a little bit about us and our genre. We started swinging by accident when we were very young and living abroad. We were introduced into the Swinging world by a lovely couple who took their time to introduce us into it slowly and at our pace. Eventually we because part of a small group of couples. You could say we were all wife swappers and the standards we set back then stayed with us right though our swinging lives. We were more than just swingers we had become friends. We didn't just play. We also did a lot of social things together. Aggression was never even considered. Sometimes there would be a little bit of rough play but it was all role play. And we all knew that. There is a lines that you just don't cross. You would treat other peoples partners with the same respect as you expect them to treat yours. You stated that anyone that was aggressive would go into the disregard until change bucket. We wouldn't be so forgiving. They would be rapidly thrown out on their ear, never to return. And it wouldn't be just by her partner. Every other male present would be standing right behind him. Back then I was with my ex-wife. On our return back to New Zealand things were a bit slow to starting. Eventually we build up a small group of friends both couples and singles ( 3 couples, 2 single males and 1 single female ) overtime we had tried different types of swinging and we have evolved into what you might refer to as cuckolding but without the humiliation. We would probably see it more like wife sharing. It was all about the wife being satisfied very often her male partner wasn’t even included. Looking back I would say my ex-wife was pretty shy. After the marriage ended I met a very strong willed and confident woman. She took the place of my ex-wife in the group. Having my ex wife there would have been a little bit strange. On some subject her and my ex-wife thought alike. They both thought of clubs in the same fashion. They both thought of them as a bit of a fuck fest and although the guys weren't aggressive they did show a lack of respect. They both stated that it seemed like the guys were only there for themselves and we referred to them as notch collectors. But it did become their go-to when traveling. One of the things my partner enjoyed was being picked up by men while I watched from a Distance. Very often it would end up in a way she loved.( threesome ) when you talk about men being aggressive you would think that we're run into them all the time. But either she was a good judge of character or we never crossed paths. Initially I was concerned about her safety and very often I would Witness a good looking guy approach her trying to pick her up and after a short conversation he would walk off and she would end up being picked up by a guy who I didn't consider was as good as the first one. When I confront her about why she hadn't gone with the first guy ? Her reply was always "oh he's a tosser". Eventually I trusted her intuition and stopped worrying about her safety. Giving your partner permission to play is the greatest gift you can give them. We used to put male swingers into one of two categories. True swingers and conditional swingers. True swingers are people who just want to see their partner’s enjoying themselves and whether they participate or not is secondary and a conditional swingers is a person who will let you play with his toys but only if he can play with yours. Usually he thinks it's all about him.
