Quote by Teachable

I'm new to and yes it can seem very overwhelming, I reply to those who start of with polite introduction. Ignore anyone who doesn't respect you or your boundaries. Have fun exploring as its a whole new world out there for us @sweetsomething, Those who don't read my profile properly don't get response either as I'm not paid member so can't reply to them on here.

Well said, and that's all great advice It's frustrating to us that messaging for non-paid members is so restrictive - it makes exploring on here much more difficult than we think it should be for more equal opportunities on here! Still, your approach - replying to those who are polite, reading your profile etc - we think is a great one.

Totally worth asking on here, and as good a place is any! Sorry you're finding it overwhelming - it seems to be quite a common occurrence from other people we've talked to sadly. And yes, as a guy I find it really frustrating that a lot of guys don't have any social skills or understanding (at least in my opinion) of how to respectfully approach a lady on here (I was on here as a single male for a few years before my partner and I got together, so I have some experience of that 'side' of things). I would highly suggest that even if you're looking for single men, that you don't actively say you're looking for them (which may reduce some of the influx!). The other thing you could do is to block all men from messaging you, which will drastically reduce the amount of messaging incoming! I'm not 100% sure, but I think that if you message someone first that they can reply (even if you have a 'block' in place) but if anyone (admin?!) are more knowledgeable on this aspect to clarify, that would be awesome. Also, could be worth trying @Sweetsomething? We also would both say that you absolutely don't have to respond to anyone at all - just because they've messaged you don't automatically entitle them to a reply (even if that feels like the 'right' thing to do - which is certainly polite, but if you only have a few messages a day... you have to be selective!). If people are approaching you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, then that's a red flag straight away, and they won't be worth your time or effort to pursue/reply to, as it's clear they're not "on the same level" if that makes sense. And there will be people who'll message politely and genuinely, and they're the ones who will (hopefully) put in the effort and make you feel comfortable. There are some awesome people on here, though sadly finding them can be tricky - but when you make good connections, the outcomes can be totally worth it! Hope that helps reassure you and has some useful pointers/ suggestions!

Quote by Intrepid

We have never been to a private party, with easy access to CCK we haven't felt the need to attend one.

One of the reasons we wouldn't attend, and it may not be the actual case is we would find the smaller group sizes would put added pressure to play. If there's only 10-12 couples there we would feel the expectation to play a bit more than we would at CCK, where there's always a decent crowd.

At a private party we would feel awkward if we were the only ones still with our clothes on.

There's some really valid aspects explained there - thank you for your comments! I think both aspects can work (smaller and bigger groups) depending on what you're comfortable with - and sometimes that can only be found out through experimenting with both! Great to hear you have easy access to CCK though for many of us - especially out of Auckland - that isn't an option through expense or distance involved in attending (we are keen to get up there at some stage as we have heard a lot of very positive feedback about it!).

I think that's a good point, regarding expectations: I don't think there's ever an expectation at any party for anyone to have to play (I certainly don't think it ever should be an expectation). For us, parties represent the opportunity to meet likeminded people, who we may or may not connect with, and that play is an option if there is a mutual interest but it's not an expectation. I hope people don't ever feel like there's an expectation that play has to be involved in a party situation ever, and I can totally appreciate that if anyone ended up being the only couple naked in a smaller group that that could feel pretty awkward if you're not in the same 'place' as others are in that moment.

Thank you for your response - I think it's really helpful to see different opinions and thoughts from other community members around this aspect of the scene. Ngā mihi!

Quote by capricieux

Negatives: depending on your home commitments - dates maybe impossible to attend, distance - have to travel and pay hotel expenses, prior experience with venues ie overwhelmed by bulls or overconfident/cocky other guests (consent & comparison issues). Positives: brilliant conversations around the kitchen table, visual displays of others enjoying themselves, being able to be authentic, having fun even with my partner and being watched and appreciated

Thank you for your considered response! They look like aspects I'm sure resonate with a number of others who have attended events. We've also experienced ratio 'issues' with single men at some (not all) parties, and completely appreciate the costs involved with a night out (babysitters, cost of party, getting to/from etc... it isn't cheap, especially with everything going on these days for many of us). Certainly appreciate that having to travel as well adds another dimension to things for those of us who may be out of main centres where most parties are organised, and thanks for outlining that this can be a deterrent (though not sure that's something that can be easily fixed sadly). We totally agree with your Positives list as well: having those sorts of conversations that you may not be able to have with 'regular' friends groups can be pretty liberating, and can offer up ways of interactions within a relationship context you may not have considered before, which is always fascinating. Being able to see other people interacting in sexy ways is always hot too - totally agree! I think most of us in the community have a higher desire for voyeurism and exhibitionist interactions than most lol! The authentic aspect? Yes, yes, and yes - totally 👌

Hi everyone! We've been to quite a lot of (local) parties since joining nearly 3 year ago, and found them a mixed range of experiences (almost all positive though, just to be clear!). Talking to (mainly) couples on here, and from searches for 'those interested in parties', there seems to be considerable interest, yet this doesn't often translate to seeing these people at parties. We know getting into a party is easy for single women, damn near impossible for single men at times, and generally pretty straightforward for couples, so that's not the question here; we're curious as to what reasons people (and in particular couples) may have for not attending parties. Parties, for us, provides the benefits of saving time organising multiple meet and greets, as well as potential play dates and organising venues for (if not hosting/ providing neutral play "territory"). Our interest in creating this post is to find out reasons people may be hesitant to try attending parties, and hopefully through this knowledge, the community may then understand the needs of the community better and potentially help provide avenues to make these experiences more accessible (fingers crossed!). For us, and from our experiences, it's been a great way to meet people and provides an opportunity for "meet and greet" with people, and also potentially a play situation as well (just to be clear: there is never any expectation or pressure on people attending to play at parties). Our hope is that more people are able to explore and enjoy this aspect of the scene, and hopefully find ways that may make it more accessible. We would be really stoked to get as many responses as possible - the more we and others know of these issues, the better chance we have as a community to make things even better for its members. And if there are "Other" things we have missed, please comment on what those barriers are to you! No shaming people for their choices or thoughts either please: that's not what this is about at all, nor is our community about that. Thank you, and ngā mihi

Good question! We're regulars at M&P, though have also attended the Body Shop in the past more than once (though as yet, not in their new location/premises). We found the BS crowd somewhat older average age range compared to M&P, and often more single men (there have been quite a few younger single women from Fetlife attending M&P recently with some single men as well). The vibe at M&P parties and hosting are reasons we have gravitated to this party and pretty much only attend here! We appreciate that everyone has their own "vibe", and what suits one may not so much for another, and it can all depend at times on who is there on the night - which doesn't make it any easier sorry lol! However, for a couple who hasn't attended many parties, or is looking for a smaller and more intimate setting, we'd suggest the M&P parties are probably the better place to start, then try BS afterwards 🙂

Quote by Squonk

Hi Everyone,

For quite a while now we have been getting a repeated scammer visiting the site. This isn't all that unusual as we often get multiple fake accounts every week trying to get members to sign up to other sites etc. But it appears that many members are falling for this particular scam. The single female profile description always reads like this:

sarahposter

‎Am fun to be with am just who I want to be‎

‎Pm with you ASL for

Her profile name always changes but often uses a variation of the name "Kate". "She" will ask for a Xbox gift card to "keep her nephew occupied" and request that you send her a picture of the card. Please do not contact this person, it is just a scam.

You may ask "What is KS doing about this?"

We do have systems in place to identify these profiles straight away and we remove 90% of them well before anyone is aware of their existence, however it requires a moderator/admin to manually remove the account and if the moderators are offline, these types of profiles can be visible for several hours. It's a perpetual battle between scammers and site administrators and the moderator team does our best to protect the KS members.

Be safe

Squonk

(Moderator)

Thanks for the heads up! Keep up the good work, Mod team. Cheers 👌

Quote by BadshaNRani
Not totally sure, sorry, but suspect there may be some set up at Menfriends (which has been taken over by the people that run the Body Shop), so may be worth asking through them? Otherwise, keen to hear from others who know other options

Quote by Essen

Yes!☺️

We're in Chch, so unfortunately not familiar with what options Hamilton has... hopefully others have options they're able to direct you to! 😉

Quote by Essen

^^ also wondering this (:

In Hamilton? 😊

An interesting discussion to have. Like you, I've also become more interested in analyzing the scene a bit more in-depth than just my experiences have given me (which is over 9 years combined between singular experiences and those with my current partner). This, for a number of reasons - not least, that this is the first time with my current partner that I made being in the community a non-negotiable as part of our relationship (though what that looked like was negotiable). My experiences in the community meant that I wanted to continue to participate in activities and to meet some of the amazing people I've been fortunate to have met on here that I simply wouldn't have crossed paths with if not for this community. And had some of the most fun and sexy experiences of my life too, hands down! I'm currently a full-time student, and have had the opportunity to explore aspects of the community with more detail and resources than I've had access to before through class projects/ essays. This has led me to discover more about the wider community in ways that have been pretty interesting: for instance, people in CNM (consensually non-monogamous) relationships - that swinging technically falls under the umbrella of - have higher rates of happiness within their relationships compared to those in monogamous situations. This wasn't exactly a surprise finding to me though, as communication in swinging relationships has to be extremely good, open, and honest if it's going to work long or short-term. Findings through literature also pointed to there being - still - very high levels of concern among people at their identity being revealed to even close friends and workmates (generally), as it was understood this could jeopardize their social standings and even job security. This was even within so-called 'supportive' and 'open minded' workplaces like a Uni in NZ (where that some of that information had been gathered from), where it might be expected that these were very liberal and diverse workplaces. The lack of information from the outside as to the working reality of the community is limited, at best, and mis-informed and frankly inaccurate at worst. I do believe that if the wider public had better education on the reality of the scene and what is involved (and the levels of involvement that can exist - it's not all gangbangs and orgies... far from it in my experiences), as well as understanding the core requirements of the community around consent, safe sex expectations, and people appreciating all shapes, sizes, ethnicities (generally) and sexualities... like, there's a lot to love about the community and how it operates. Sadly, the reality of changing the social narrative around sexually 'diverse' relationship arrangements has a hell of a long way to go before that's 'normalized' for much of society... perhaps that may never happen. But, just as suicide was once a totally subject, the conversation is now fortunately much more acceptable and readily had. Can that happen for swinging? I'm not sure. I suspect not.... the ingrained mononormative culture and expectation from religion in most Western societies means that's unlikely to change any time soon. My 2c worth (ok, maybe a little more like $2 worth lol!)

Quote by Down4Play

 

We had an incredible first time last night! 😻 Dipped our toes in the virtual pool and it was so fuckin hot! 🔥Had a beautiful brown man controlling my vibrator and making me cum while I sent him sexy moaning audios, hearing how wet my pussy was for him made him so hard, we sent pix and videos, all from the comfort of our own home. 💦 It was perfect! 😻👌🏼 Watching him cum for me was so fuckin sexy 🫦 Hubby enjoyed watching me fucking myself for another man, so was the perfect first step for us.

Afterwards we checked in with each other and discussed what worked and importantly what didn’t and then finished in the wee morning hours fucking each other. 🥰❤️‍🔥

Thought we’d share this to help other like minded people like us to give it a try but are unsure how to start.😘

We’re both looking forward to our next virtual playtime 💖💥💦

Sounds like a heck of a lot of fun, and that it was navigated well! Great to see you enjoyed it, and that it had all the desired sexy outcomes you had hoped (and had fun together afterwards as well) 😀

Quote by Daisyppp

100% your choice.

Everyone has preferences, you'd have to do all the maintenance and so I'd recommend doing whatever feels best / allows the most confidence in your body.

I definitely wouldn't start out doing something just because someone else likes it! This goes for activities as well as personal grooming preferences!

This is your experience so do whatever feels best for you! 😊

Not everyone is kind, so an ability to let anything that isn't helpful wash away will be useful.

Happy swinging!

Great advice Daisy 😊👌

Quote by JohniEricq

On Saturday night my beautiful italian girlfriend and I went to our first meet and greet with KS.. We were very nervous and excited at the same time to live out some fantasies and find like minded people. Let's just say we weren't disappointed..

That's fantastic! Great to hear you both managed to push through that 'discomfort' zone to explore your curiosity, and managed to try things out - it can be pretty daunting! There are some really wonderful and sexy people on here, who are 100% legit and here for genuine shared sexy experiences - perfect that you found some people to share a first experience with that were like that! Can't ask for anything more than that, and really stoked to hear that you had that sort of experience

Quote by Mitchy9798

Love it.

Have you tried it in Chch? Whereabouts was that, if it was here in Chch? Thanks!

Sounds very fun indeed! Great profile, and very sexy pic too! Sadly, not anywhere close to you guys, so can't really put our hand up to say "pick us!", but we think you'll have a great opportunity on here to meet some lovely and sexy people Have fun on your journey!

Hi 7inchteen! We can't help with what you're looking for sorry, but just wanted to suggest that the "just do the deed and done" approach might work with getting a male to be part of a 3sum, but it's much less likely to work for a female joining you both (and this is coming from the male). Women need more aftercare, otherwise the risk of feeling really quite used is high, and nobody likes that. What to expect? Depends on whether the other person has had experience with a 3sum before; it can be an awkward learning experience for all if nobody has done it before, but that can be kinda part of the fun as well. Or, if someone has some experience coming in, they can help direct/guide things potentially - which can be quite useful. Certainly not trying to put you off either way - we've been fortunate to have several ffm ourselves, and they've almost all be fantastic experiences, though some learning curves along the way too. I guess going in with an idea of what you'd both like to experience, and see what the other person's interests and expectations are as well, and if they match, it could work really well! If you are looking for single men, there are plenty of genuine guys on here who would I'm sure be very interested in being a part of this, but I would be really selective about who you have join you (probably message a bit first and try to get a good gauge of how respectful they are etc will hopefully tell you a lot). Sorry about the novel, but hope you find the sort of experience you're both after!