Join the most popular community of Kiwi swingers now
Login
sex and kids
Have a very open relationship with my 14year old. Have never really sat down and had the birds and the bees talk, as the school seems to have done that, but I openly tell him that I DON"T want to be a grandma and condoms are a must.
Would I buy them for him? probably but not at 14.
Would I allow a girl to stay? I wont even hear about this until he is at least 16 and then we would have to have a open conversation about it.
I guess I am really lucky that he is a athlete so the only things that matter to him at the moment is training & the gym. But it is hard to see how long this will go on, when you go too meets and these stunning girls in their little running outfits are everywhere.
OH especially now that he is running in senior competitions and all the girls are 16-19 years old. Is also hard as he has to go away for some of these in teams and I wonder what they get up too. I know there are adults there but because most of them are older the coaches forget how young my son is. He has the body of a young man with all his training and even I sometimes forget he is only 14.
OH hell.... now I am worried 
Forum Virgin
[quote:12e57607f4="Pleasure_time"]How do you broach the subject with your kids? OR if your kids are still young how do you hope to broach the subject?[/quote:12e57607f4]
I asked Mum and Dad about where babies came from at age 4, they matter-of-factly told me, then I laughed at how ludicrous it seemed. They got over their embarrassment, and thus I knew more about sex and relationships than most kids at school. I grew up to be very well adjusted, I had complete trust from my parents, and I actually kept my virginity well into my twenties. Now that was horribly frustrating for me, as you could imagine, but it was simply that my career choice kept me away from sexy times. (No, I didn't train for priesthood!)
My point is, that would be the ideal outcome for any parent: to raise a child that could grow into an adult without fucking up his or her life. The next ideal outcome for any parent is to raise a child who grows very rich and provides for his or her parents' early retirement in the Cayman Islands. Sorry Mum and Dad.
My feeling is that if something is withheld from a person, for reasons that aren't explained other than that it's for "their own good" then it's likely to develop curiosity about the subject and possibly resentment toward the parent, because it's obvious that the teenager isn't trusted with adult information; implying that the teenager isn't fully respected in the adult's eyes. Kids ain't dumb, so they'll spot you a mile off. Total communication is the only way.
The initial conversation will likely be awkward, just like it would be with any new adult with this topic, but you both have to agree at the outset, to push through the discussion and see it to the end. You would likely have to wear the brunt of any ego blows, to ensure that he makes it through unscathed by anything that would normally see a kid running off to his/her room, or the adult saying things like "I just can't talk to you." So I guess it's like an intervention.
I do this when I argue with my wife. We cool off for a bit, then one of us will approach the other and initiate the conversation. We always succeed in reconciling the argument, because neither of us will walk away until understanding is reached on both sides. This doesn't mean that we force our will upon each other, it's more that we listen to what the other spouse has to say, then we always make sure that we have HEARD what was being said.
Someone will inevitably have to apologise, but that part is not enforced. I've often had to bite my tongue, accept that I've fucked up, and make amends to the degree that the issue is resolved. I feel that it is the same with parenting. If your young son has been given the faculties to have a proper, mature discussion, then you will likely come out with a successful meeting. If he is lacking in the communication department, and is prone to slamming doors and leaving when the moment gets ruffled, then his ability to discuss the birds and the bees could be challenging, and you may need more tact in your approach. These techniques have never failed me, and I have been able to negotiate many discussions with them, but ultimately it depends on your other person's ability to listen, and especially your ability to do so.
My two cents. Given inflation, it should be ten cents, so I suppose that it's worth nothing these days.
Sex God
we have been telling our children age appropriate and factual stuff for years now as questions come up or we see something on the news/tv etc.
I havnt planned to sit and have ' the talk " with either of them as such but i am sure it will be coming! eek
We also have a 14yr old and he had the sex chat last year. i believe the best way to approach a teen about sex is in a non formal way. Like dont do the "son sit down we need the birds and bees chat" that way they dont feel cornered. My hubby gave my son the sex talk while doing the dishes, they were having a good chat and giggle about it and he ended it on a serious note, "son there are consequences and pleasure's with sex, we were teen parents(16 & 18) and it is hard having to grow up so fast and provide for a family when you are so young. There also some nasty diseases out there if you dont protect yourself.
We have always encouraged him to wait for sex there is no need to rush into it and when he decides he is ready to always talk to us.
Our eldest is 15(son) next 13 (daughter) then two girls 8 & 4, Honesty is best, as said above if you hide it curiosity will get the better of them, Our children seem to understand that sex is very forfilling for Adults, Daughter(13) goes Eeeeww at the thought.....but they also know that it comes with so many risks, We are lucky enough to have a very trusting relationship with all our children and know that when they are ready (not when i am for i will never be) they can come to us so we can help prepare them to be as safe as possible.
We are very open with our children, havent directly told them about swinging etc but wouldnt hide it if asked....but then thats the same with all our friends ....if asked i wouldnt deny but will not just blurt it out...
I gave my teenage years to them and they understand how much i love then but also how much I regret not being "young and free"...
My advise stop worrying its natural, arm your son with all the advise he needs to be safe assure him that he can come to you for help when he is ready no questions asked....after all it is your responsibity as much as his....teach him well...
