With the long-planned departure overseas of my gorgeous playmate , I am now in the invidious position of being a "Single Male " and all of a sudden I am like a leper- a class of person that no-one wants to know , certainly on this site anyway.
While we were a couple , we had heaps of friends, contacts and shared experiences .
( most informally , before I joined this site ) .
I am the same person ,but am astonished at the antagonism shown by many to those in this situation .
I realise that there are certainly some males who have given " us" a bad name , but come on- most are decent , friendly , generous ,co-operative good people .
What say you ?
We have friends in your situation, both male and female. We dont ignore them, but neither are they part of our adult play times anymore.
Are you asking "why am I no longer invited?" or still accepted in the swinging community?
Our answer is, we only play with couples. This seems to be the most common position of swingers.
Hey BJP,
Having been a single guy on KS for four and a half years, I can assure you that your situation is nothing new
You say that "most are decent , friendly , generous ,co-operative good people", but sadly that simply doesn't seem to be the case. I'll almost certainly make myself unpopular with other single males when I say that the evidence suggests that most are rude, illiterate, lazy, presumptuous, arrogant idiots.
I was lucky enough in the last few days to meet up with a beautiful, professional single woman who had been on the site for less than a week. Even more fortunate was the fact that she had contacted me first and I was the first person to reply back to her. I say that was fortunate because she subsequently deleted her account, sick of the barrage of a hundred or more messages a day, many repeat offenders, offering such inspirational and enticing messages as "i wanna fuk u ". When nine out of ten messages are at that level, is it any wonder that most are simply ignored?
Another gorgeous lady I met a while back had received over 500 similar messages on her first day on the site! 500!!! In one day!!! Contrast that with probably less than 50 unsolicited messages that I've received in my time on here!
Sadly that seems to typify the experience of both single women and couples on here when dealing with single guys. Don't get me wrong, there are some genuinely good guys on here, and you are clearly in that more thoughtful and considered group, but we are vastly outnumbered by the idiots.
As such, it's little wonder that we are considered social pariahs by the vast majority, and establishing a rapport is extremely difficult. Swinging by it's nature is strongly biased towards couples who are interested in swapping/sharing partners with other couples. That scenario alone requires a great deal of trust and understanding in a relationship. To add a single third-party into the mix takes that to another level, with the favoured scenario generally seeming to be another bi lady joining in, from chats with friends on the basis that both partners in a couple can then potentially enjoy 'fringe benefits'.
As single guys, we ask a massive amount of couples, or single women, who are often (usually!) and probably rightly, very wary, and we have to earn their trust and respect. Sadly with the odds weighed against us that will always be an uphill battle, but my experiences have shown that it can worth it :)
You might also find better luck by coming to some of the meet & greet events. It can be easier to break the ice and convey instantly that you're not just a drooling fuckwit who assumes that anyone on here is instantly available just because you happen to have a cock between your thighs ;) As I'm sure you're well aware, but many seem not to be, this site is not simply a free-for-all fuck-fest; the privilege of being let into other people's intimate private lives needs to be earned not presumed.
As I said to a friend recently: "Most people on here think that most of the single guys are sad, desperate losers, and most of them could be right"!
Good luck,
Charlieboy
The problem with a single guy is they want to walk the walk but not talk the talk. How many of them message us and we waste time messaging them back and forwards for them to pull out at the last minute OR not show up. (And before someone says well leave a vouch, you can't do that when they don't have it enabled) And those single men who say they would never do that are lying. We have many emails of singles saying they hate having such a bad reputation and that they would always be there...and then they pull out.
Remember on the forums and in the chatroom we only see a very small percentage of the single males who are registered on the site. Most of the ones who forum and chatroom are actually lovely guys. But it is the other 90% who ruin it for them.
Our theory is that majority of single men seem to think that it is their god given right to be allowed to play with couples. I have bumped a post called "the single guy". It is one of the best posts that has ever been contributed, with what people have written. It states swinging is not about the SINGLE male it is only partially about the male of the couple but it is about the WOMAN in the relationship. They are the ones who have the power, if a wife won't swing then the male wont. I recommend everyone read that post as it is AMAZING.
And this does also apply to couples on here as well not just single men, for those single males who are thinking 'but it is not just me'
And to end this all those guys who will now message us saying wow great post we would never do that too you.... DON'T BOTHER. We are immune to your bull nowadays.
Id like to make mention that swinging is ALL about personal preferences.
Its also about respect and courtesy.
For some reason a VAST majority of the single male public seem to forget this and solely focus on the sex. No one likes to be seen as a cheap throw away piece of meat and this is what people are made to feel like when opening lines like "wanna fuck" are used.
I constantly try to tell people, this is NO different to meeting people in a bar. Everyone here is a real person, not a paid employee, and as such want to be treated decently. Something unfortunately most single males seem to neglect to do.
Yes thats a horrible sweeping statement but its been proven true time and time again.
There ARE some fantastic singles on here, don't get me wrong.
But just like any populace, the overwhelming actions of the many will always paint the few.
The anonymity of the internet plays a large part also.
When there is little to no ramifications for actions, true colors are revealed and the boundaries of common courtesy and respect are lost.
This encourages bad behaviour.
I also think we do get a lot of people from other sites which ARENT moderated thinking the same sleazy crap they do there will fly here.
As to what can be done about the stereotype?
Not a great deal unfortunately.
This IS a public site open to anyone that wants to participate in it and this INCLUDES single males.
All we can do is cut out the bad seeds through help from everyone by reports to moderators and admin when the troublemakers inevitably reveal their true colors.
I know a lot of members dont like doing reports as they dont want to be "narks" or "cause trouble". But without the memberships help we cannot provide the environment the members are desperately asking for in the first place.
Also if someone is being disruptive to you, odds on they are doing it to a LOT of others too. It only takes one good person to stand up and say something for the trouble to be removed. That i believe is why this site excels where others fall down. Its our biggest strength but at the same time our biggest weakness.
Back on topic, swinging is loosely defined as "a couple who seek sexual experiences outside of their relationship". As such singles will always be on the back foot with couples. Single males have been further disadvantaged by the bad apples.
End of the day i repeat it is ALL personal preference.
What you may find disgusting or repulsive MAY be classy and enticing to another.
when I had bisectual on my profile i got a lot of responses from guys. I never got a single rude one. I had few forward and a bit blunt, but nothing I would call overtly rude ie "do ya want to suck my cock" sort of thing. are you sure you are not over reacting? or maybe it is particular to woman.
So, just did a quick count in the chatroom . . . 38 single male profiles, 16 profiles that are couples and only 3 single ladies.
Figure many if not most of the couples are only looking for couples or ladies and . . .
The odds are always gonna be tougher for the single guy.
[quote:c85a685e68="DnM"]At a guess I would say Gay or Bi males are more courteous than straight males as they have had to work at being accepted already.[/quote:c85a685e68]
I sometimes wonder how many single male profiles select bi or bi curious as a way to get their foot in the door with bi couples or couple with bi or bi curious males. . . .
Saw one very clever profile where the couple was onto this and said Mrs likes to watch the men play first which will sort the snails from the worms
ok, well where to start...
Firstly we enjoy playing with anyone, but males have really made it hard for a single males on these sites.
Yes as said before, the way they contact us, the lack of commitment, then there are the picture hunters and time wasters, oh not to forget the abusers and pushy types...
That being said we play a lot with single men and odd single women (and we have seen some single women act the same way)
What we dislike is a guy asking the stupid questions, when they haven't taken time to read the profile. (what they ask is normally found in there)
The types that don't think we have enough pictures up for them to determine if a level of attraction exists, so still ask for more pictures and even face pictures...
Then the guys that won't meet our requirements but think they can strong arm us into doing things their way.
Yes guys want sex, and probably get so annoyed that couples and legitimate single females don't want to play with them, but really its all about attitude and politeness.
We are blunt now days as we have built a defence mechanism to deal with the horrible barrage of emails that we have to read and reply to.
For the few good guys out there, we certainly do meet and play with them, but they are not given many chances to make mistakes during initial contact due to others that have preceded them and been bad with their emailing causing us to react with the ignore button.
I used to play one on one with men, often... but in time i found more and more disrespected me to the point of making me fearful of any more encounters, this has only really been in past 2-3 years, as for most of my adult life i never had too many issues with guys.
Now days i don't play alone, and the reason is safety and that respect is given more when my husband is present.
I blame porn, for how it has influenced men and their actions in regard to how they view women and treat them both outside the bedroom and inside. (not to say some porn action isn't acceptable but in reality a lot is unrealistic)
Guys that contact couples, must realise that its not easy to organise sex, and certainly MFMF is more sought, so its on them to ensure they don't muck couples around and realise they walk a fine line with regard to making it to a meeting.
Priorities to us, mean we will travel to another town and get a motel for a couple, but we would expect a guy to travel to our town and get a motel should he wish to play with us, basically showing that single guys are really our second choice as would be same for most couples.
So men, act nicer, be more respectful, do not think meetings will happen immediately and stop asking for pictures, be patient and let the couples respond to you if they are interested by your well worded and polite request to play, then you might get the response you hoped for.
Mel
Kiwi Swingers features sexually explicit material. To access this site you must be of the legal age to engage with the material of an adult site.
By entering Kiwi Swingers you agree to the following;
I am deemed an adult where I live, and I am at least 18 years old
I am allowed to access & view sexually explicit material
0 likes
You say that "most are decent , friendly , generous ,co-operative good people", but sadly that simply doesn't seem to be the case. I'll almost certainly make myself unpopular with other single males when I say that the evidence suggests that most are rude, illiterate, lazy, presumptuous, arrogant idiots.
I was lucky enough in the last few days to meet up with a beautiful, professional single woman who had been on the site for less than a week. Even more fortunate was the fact that she had contacted me first and I was the first person to reply back to her. I say that was fortunate because she subsequently deleted her account, sick of the barrage of a hundred or more messages a day, many repeat offenders, offering such inspirational and enticing messages as "i wanna fuk u ". When nine out of ten messages are at that level, is it any wonder that most are simply ignored?
Another gorgeous lady I met a while back had received over 500 similar messages on her first day on the site! 500!!! In one day!!! Contrast that with probably less than 50 unsolicited messages that I've received in my time on here!
Sadly that seems to typify the experience of both single women and couples on here when dealing with single guys. Don't get me wrong, there are some genuinely good guys on here, and you are clearly in that more thoughtful and considered group, but we are vastly outnumbered by the idiots.
As such, it's little wonder that we are considered social pariahs by the vast majority, and establishing a rapport is extremely difficult. Swinging by it's nature is strongly biased towards couples who are interested in swapping/sharing partners with other couples. That scenario alone requires a great deal of trust and understanding in a relationship. To add a single third-party into the mix takes that to another level, with the favoured scenario generally seeming to be another bi lady joining in, from chats with friends on the basis that both partners in a couple can then potentially enjoy 'fringe benefits'.
As single guys, we ask a massive amount of couples, or single women, who are often (usually!) and probably rightly, very wary, and we have to earn their trust and respect. Sadly with the odds weighed against us that will always be an uphill battle, but my experiences have shown that it can worth it :)
You might also find better luck by coming to some of the meet & greet events. It can be easier to break the ice and convey instantly that you're not just a drooling fuckwit who assumes that anyone on here is instantly available just because you happen to have a cock between your thighs ;) As I'm sure you're well aware, but many seem not to be, this site is not simply a free-for-all fuck-fest; the privilege of being let into other people's intimate private lives needs to be earned not presumed.
As I said to a friend recently: "Most people on here think that most of the single guys are sad, desperate losers, and most of them could be right"!
Good luck,
Charlieboy
