All right, people! You think you have what it takes to write an engaging and provocative profile? You think you can shine so bright a light on yourself that potential partners will be drawn to you as moths are to a flame? We'll see about that. In my experience, most profiles are little more than bland one-liners, less interesting than the average toenail clipping. Most of these profiles belong to men, but I've seen enough female profiles in this category to know that it's a serious problem, an epidemic. I take it upon myself, therefore, to share some of my considerable experience in crafting great profiles. As is appropriate for the average attention span of this day and age, I shall do it in the form of a list. May it serve you well.
1. There is no such thing as a "perfect" profile
Sounds like a truism, doesn't it? It is, but it's important to get the right perspective before going any further. The fact is, you're not perfect. I'm not. Nobody is. There is therefore no such thing as perfect profile, which in turn means that it is impossible to craft one that attracts everybody in your target demographic. This is a mistake I used to make, and one that I've seen others making. Don't be another statistic. Rise above!
2. Learn to write well, or at least semi-well
Another obvious bit of advice, but you'd be amazed at how many people have to rely on spellcheck, and outright staggered at how many fail to grasp grammar entirely. Call me a nerd, a grammar Nazi, but I happen to think that proper English is more effective at communicating your point than English that's full of errors. And since effective communication is the quickest route to get anything done at all, there's really no point in not getting it right. I'm not saying you need to write BBC English, just make sure what you're writing is right. Ask Uncle Google if you're not sure.
3. Don't be fake
Jesus Christ, I hear you saying. Are you only going to tell us what we already know? Maybe, maybe not. And even if you know it, there are those who definitely don't (or else don't care.) Regardless, you can't deny the sheer amount of fakeness online in general. It's easy to see why: no personal contact (unless necessary) means that one is safe behind whatever facade they've created for themselves. And if they're especially clever, they can build that facade to resemble anyone imaginable, to such a convincing degree that it may fool even the one hiding behind it. Again, it's something I used to do, and it's never worth it. The effort of pretending to be someone you're not, even in small ways, will drain you, and eventually kill whatever relationship you used it to build.
Instead, be yourself. It's a scary thought for some, I know, but no matter how good or vile a person you are, it's your best shot at forming a real connection with anyone. You're worried that something you've written makes you come off as a dork, or a weirdo? Don't be. Everyone's weird in their own way, and unless you're into something really heinous, they have no right to judge your brand of it. Be bold. Be confident.
4. Be classy
This one applies more to my fellow men. Guys, don't be so crude all the time. Yes, there's a time and a place for it, and they're not "all the time" and "everywhere." Sometimes, just sometimes, women like a man with a bit of sophistication.
5. Don't be desperate
Desperation is a miasma, and an especially noxious one at that. Profiles that have it are obvious from a mile away, and are universally shied away from. If you have any in your profile, do yourself a favour and excise it with extreme prejudice. It can never help you, only harm you. If it helps, remember: you don't need whoever's currently reading your profile. It'd be nice if they took a shine to you, sure, but if they don't it's no big loss; there'll be someone else who will. Trust me on this.
6. Remember, none of this is law
People come in all shapes, sizes, colours and creeds. To say that there is one right way to reach any of them is a waste of breath. In spite of the points I've made and the sense they contain, there will be people out there who are attracted to illiterate fake cavepeople reeking of desperation. So don't take my word as gospel. My advice may work for you, it may not. It's up to you to see if it's worth taking.
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Feel free to post your own profile-building tips!
