Protecting Each Other

My partner and I have found ourselves in difficult swinging situations on three different occasions. All three times have involved the male of the couple that we’re swinging with getting totally stoned and drunk before we get there. The female of these couples is usually not interested in playing.  Even after talks online and arrangements. We give them a chance and work in with them. We’ll start playing ourselves and encourage them to play with each other and ensure them that we don’t need to swap if they don’t want to. But because the females are nervous or not interested in playing it drags the night out. We wait it out to see if things will change. Usually after a couple hours I will say to my partner that I want to leave or that I’m not comfortable anymore. He always agrees with me. However he feels unable to say anything to these couples so we can get out of there. He tells me that it’s rude to leave and says he doesn’t have a good enough excuse. This has happened every time. So we end up having to go through the whole experience. Which has included waiting for one guy to wake up from blacking out in the bathroom and coming to a while later.  So I found myself having to suck it up and fuck this guy. His mrs didn’t do anything to stop it nor did my partner. On another of these occasions I’ve nearly been drowned in a spa pool while being fucked. My partner argues that he can’t watch me all the time and that I need to save myself. Last night was the third occasion where the male of the other couple was repeatedly pulling my head off my partners cock while I was giving him a blow job. My partner didn’t see any problem with that and let it carry on. I told him I was scared and he didn’t do anything about it. I ended up having to say to this couple that we needed to go. So neither them or us ‘finished’. To make matters worse we argued this morning about our inability to leave bad situations  I do rely on him to take the lead and hope that he’ll protect me but he doesn’t seem to. I could step up and make us leave earlier from situations like these but I don’t want to ruin his chances of getting some pussy. We’re a jump in and fuck kind of couple and don’t like the meet beforehand stuff. We agreed that we need to choose better couples that with swing with. This afternoon he got me to jack him off with a flesh light and said he really wanted it because he didn’t get any pussy last night. It feels like a insult to injury. Feeling like a bit of a mess. 

How do you protect each other in your own relationship?

I'm sure others on the site have better advice, but I'll start:

1. Spend more time getting to know the people you intend to play with.  Sure, there's always the risk of endless chatting, but it's better than finding yourself in a potentially dangerous situation.  Patience is always rewarding, just not straight away...
2. Have a pre-made excuse to get out of a uncomfortable situation:   Look at your phone and say "The babysitter just rang..." or "Mum just rang..." or something along those lines, go have a 'conversation' with that person that requires you to urgently leave.  Even better, have someone you can flick a text to who will call you back to provide you with an excuse to leave.
3. Communication between you and your partner is paramount:
   1. Set clear boundaries on what is acceptable.  Ours for example is: No smokers, no drugs, no pain, no disrespect.  If any of these lines are crossed we both know that we are leaving.
   2. If you have a successful night, talk about it and analyse what made it successful, what could have been done differently.
   3. If you have a bad night, talk about it and analyse what made it miserable, what could have been done differently.
4. Communication with the people you're about to play with is important too.  Tell them what you like and what you don't like.  It can be done in a playful and sexy manner as a build up to the main event, but it establishes the boundaries.
5. You are under no obligation to "take one for the team".  You should not be begged, pleaded, coerced, convinced, harassed, intimidated, threatened or forced to participate in sexual behavior that you are not comfortable with.  Leave.  If your partner doesn't want to go, leave your partner there, get a taxi, go home, go to a friends, go somewhere safe, call the police if you have to.  You are not in the wrong, they are!

Just my two cents.  

Jethro

Agree with Jethro Communication is the key. I know with couples I meet we set boundaries and we all understand them. It is all about communication and respect for each other. 

Pretty good alright luv especially 5.  Maybe the 1-1 situations are not you.  How about try attending a play meet with a few more couples so don’t feel obligated to the 1 or rude to leave as there will still be others left behind.  Just a thought.

At the risk of being a home wrecker here, I think you maybe swinging for all the wrong reasons. I'm certainly no expert on the issue but in the small experience I've had I have learned an aweful lot about what's required to actually pull off a successful night of mind blowing sex, and trust me it's not easy. It requires a shit ton of effort on the males part because of one simple fact, there's another male involved!

Your man has to put you first from the beginning to the end, if he doesn't no amount of contingency planning is going to help because the best way to get out of a bad situation is to not get into it in the first place! 

My advice to you is this; You need to set some ground rules with him, practical A-Z type rules that start right from before you even seek potential playmates as in the seeking and vetting process through to an emergency escape plan as earlier mentioned in previous replies. Run over the scenario from your perfect perspective, then think of every possible eventuality that could arise. 

Also jumping straight in and fucking is great fun, but you still do need to spend the effort inspecting the situation and making sure the other couple is on the same page and your all in on the same deal. This is always best done in a neutral setting like a bar or restaurant.

Definitely give up on the meeting in hotel rooms and people's places before meeting the people! That's a bad mistake and a sure fire way to increase the chances of bad and dodgy experiences.

If you start doing this you will start running into other couples who are doing it the same way which oddly enough increases your chances of meeting some really good fuck buddies!

If he doesn't pull his socks up here my ultimate advice is stop doing it cause the dynamic is all wrong! If he wants to get some pussy and he's not willing to consider you then Google is great and prostitution is legal! 

Mr Lenten

WOW! Struggle is real!! Great read from all,jeepers 

excellent thread. I actively search for mf couples to have mfm. Yes I am straight. I love nothing more than a "hot wife share" scenario. Here's what I do before meeting a couple. After feeling comfortable from the chatting on here I ask for quality recent photos of both the guy and lady. Doesn't need to be faces but you can tell a lot from the pics they send. Then I make some things clear:. .. no meth users. I ask what industry they work in. If I'm still happy with the response then I ask for a (removed) or mobile number. I have never had a really bad experience with a couple and I think it's a lot to do with the qualifying I do before meeting. It's 2 way, I provide them with everything they need to make a decision on me as well. I want to make sure they're at ease with me also.